I want to have a baby… but I want to be ready. I
know I will never feel that way so I’m wondering if it’s something that I
should just allow to happen. I’m afraid… of so many things. I don’t want to
bring a baby into this world for selfish reasons. Yes, I want to love someone.
I do love people but a child is different. Your own child is different… I want
to watch someone grow for their whole life. I want to pass on my values and
ideals. I want to see Jay as a father. I want … purpose. Really, what IS a good
reason to have a child?
I’m afraid that I will be too inconsistent. I’m
afraid I will slack off. I’m afraid I will put myself ahead of my child. I’m
afraid of childbirth!! I’m afraid of the emotional scars that I will create. I’m
afraid my child will get into bad things.
When is a good time? Should I still go to school
first? Should I go to Japan? Should I try to find a job I love? Should I be in
peak physical shape? Do I HAVE to be? Is there anyone or thing that can give me
answers to these questions? What if I make the wrong choices….
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