colour blind

in general, i am a fairly laid back person. i am quite particular about the way i like things and obsessive in that way, but when it comes to 'issues', it's not often that i get riled up. there are, however, a few topics that i have very strong opinions about. racism is one of those things. so it makes sense that my mind is flying right now...

i just finished watching a documentary called hue - all about cultures all over the world valuing light skin above darker variations and the extremes that people go to and the discrimination people who are darker than others of their culture go through, not only from "white" people, but from themselves. i found it interesting that there was absolutely no mention of light skinned people who spend thousands of dollars and hours to tan their skin... but i guess that would take away from the point. just something to keep in mind. and, believe me, i do get it. it may go both ways, but not equally. that is for sure.

hating other people based on things they have no control over (their race, their situation they were born into, their looks, etc.) or their life choices (who they choose to love, how they want to live) has never made sense to me, especially if their life has no bearing at all on others. i wish it was this way for everyone. and i wish that people (INCLUDING myself) were happy to be who they are. i wish that differences were celebrated instead of used as a means to ostracise and separate.

i guess it's human nature to seek out others "like us"in order to categorize and define ourselves. we want to be surrounded by people who share similarities - same tastes, same lifestyles. that makes sense. but i also think we grow as human beings when we venture outside of what we know to understand those with a different perspective.

i just think, as humans, we were given this beautiful world we inhabit to enjoy. why do we do horrible things to each other?

i have so much more going on in my head right now, but it's disorganized, so i'll save it for another time.

top 10 christmas movies

i'm supposed to be packing to leave at 5am tomorrow... flying to my parent's place for a superquick christmas visit. but, i hate packing. so i made a list instead!

these are the 10 best christmas movies as determined my me. (they are MY favourites. of course they don't include some 'classics'.)

and be forewarned ~ i'm totally gonna cheat.

1. mickey's christmas carol - my very favourite christmas movie EVER. hands down. i can recite the entire thing. oh, and JIMINY!!

2. home alone & home alone 2 (see, cheating.) - classics. but only the first 2. any others are an abomination.

3. miracle on 34th street - both the 1947 and 1994 versions. different movies but equally great. tear up every time.

 

4. elf - this is hubby's tradition. has to watch it every year. it is great though. 

5. the santa clause - i LOVE this movie. it's magical.

6. the grinch - again, with the magic and the feels.

7. the bishop's wife / the preacher's wife - (still cheating.) TOTALLY different movies but both great.

8. a charlie brown christmas - love when they all gather around the paino and "ooh-ooh-ooh" the carols. and the tree! iconic.

9. rudolph the red-nosed reindeer - c'mon.

10. frosty the snowman - ditto. (and karen ftw.)

honourable mention: the night they saved christmas - i watched this as a kid once or twice and never forgot it. i thought it was so magical. then i watched it as an adult....  supercheesy 80's movie, but i still kind of love it. 

now go ahead and tell me about all the ones i left off my list...

daily vignette: day 8

unwrapped gifts

opened christmas presents with niecey and oldest nephew (and sil and fil) tonight via skype since we won't be at home on christmas day. that's usually our tradition. wake up and have videos calls with all the sibs and kids scattered all across the country. 

daily vignette: day 7

cupcakes

i wish i was one of those people who enjoyed food. instead, i have a hate/hate relationship with it. i hate food and it hates me. who knows who is to blame for this psychological defect? point is, i'm not someone who enjoys eating. and grocery shopping is it's own form of torture. this depicts the only section of the grocery store i don't loathe. because... cupcakes. that is one food i like. 

daily vignette: day 6

daruma

it's good to remind myself from time to time that i don't give up on everything i attempt. 
daruma dolls are a japanese thing (read about them here, if you're interested). when you get one, the eyes are blank. you determine a goal and fill in one of the them. when you successfully complete your task, you fill in the other eye. 
i got to fill in the second eye of this guy when i graduated with my ECE diploma. yay me. 

daily vignette: day 5

the nest

where i spend an unbelievably high ratio of time - sometimes called the fort, the tent, the cloud. usually just refered to as my nest. it's very, very comfy. 

daily vignette: day 4

cup of tea

i love tea. that's all i really need to say about that. this very scene is probably one of the things i see most often in my life - 3 or 4 times a day. 

daily vignette: day 3

makeshift christmas tree

since hubby and i are going to visit family in winnipeg this year and won't be home for christmas, we decided not to put up our tree. but i always have lights on my beautiful fake tree that sits in my kitchen all year round, right beside where i spend the majority of my time at my kitchen table where i have my computer and all my "crap". it makes me feel merry and bright - so we thought we would put the few gifts that are at the house around that one instead. 

daily vignette: day 2

my front door (from the inside)

i love my home. i have lived in many different houses but have never really felt "at home" before. i do now. and i feel fortunate to live here. it's a lovely building with many nice features, but i'm thinking of the love, acceptance, security, safety and comfort i have found here - probably more to do with my co-occupant than anything else.

daily vignette - the beauty of the mundane

i decided to start a new daily challenge. i have no fixed time limit in mind, but a year would be great. or a month. whatever. i will decide later. the only decision i have made right now is to start.

every day, i'm going to take a picture of a piece of a scene - a vignette - depicting a piece of my everyday life. something to remind me of the small things i appreciate. something to remind me to notice the small things. something to keep me focused and keep me present. 

day 1: hubby's stuff on the bathroom counter
makes me glad that he's around. it's been a rough few days for me and he's been wonderful and supportive. little reminders of his existence like this makes me happy.

merry christmas

i'm taking a page from my friend brina's music monday playlists and am attempting to make one too. so here are 50 of my favourite christmas songs ~ something i've been compiling to keep my holiday spirit up.
i'm all over the place. i know that and am completely okay with it.

Bing Crosby & The Andrews Sisters - Mele Kalikimaka

Nsync - O Holy Night

John Williams - Carol of the Bells (from Home Alone)

Libera - Once in Royal David’s City

The Mills Brothers - I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm

Weezer - The First Noel

John Denver & The Muppets - The Twelve Days of Christmas

Frank Sinatra - Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

Barenaked Ladies - Sleigh Ride

Vince Guaraldi - O Christmas Tree (from Charlie Brown)

The Irish Rovers - Good King Wenceslas

Monica - Grown Up Christmas List

The Drifters - White Christmas


Whitney Houston - Joy to the World


Larry Groce & Disneyland Children's Sing-Along Chorus - Santa Claus Is Coming to Town


Ella Fitzgerald - Jingle Bells


Burl Ives - Holly Jolly Christmas

Brenda Lee - Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

Alvin and the Chipmunks - Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)

Bobby Helms - Jingle Bell Rock


Schubert - Ave Maria

Bing Crosby - It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas


Jackie Evancho - Silent Night

Mannheim Steamroller - Deck the Halls

Eartha Kitt - Santa Baby

Elmo & Patsy - Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer


Johnny Mercer & Margaret Whiting - Baby, It’s Cold Outside


Harry Connick Jr. - What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?

Louis Armstrong - ‘Zat You, Santa Claus

Billy Gilman - Angels We Have Heard on High

Jimmy Durante - Frosty the Snowman

Nat King Cole - The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)

Kenny G - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas


Rosemary Clooney & Gene Autry - The Night Before Christmas

Jackson 5 - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

Anne Murrary - Christmas in Killarney

Mahalia Jackson - What Child Is This?

Andy Williams - It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Babyface - Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

The Honey Trees - It Came Upon a Midnight Clear

Michael Bublé - Winter Wonderland

Kelly Clarkson - I’ll Be Home for Christmas


Dixieland Jazz Band - Go Tell It On the Mountain

Christina Aguilera - This Christmas

Dean Martin - Silver Bells

A Hero for the World - We Three Kings


Mariah Carey - All I Want for Christmas


Charles Brown - Merry Christmas Baby


Bing Crosby & David Bowie - The Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth

Tchaikovsky - Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy (from The Nutcracker)

these last 2 aren't real christmas songs... so they don't count (and i couldn't keep it down to 50).

Blink-182 - I Won't Be Home For Christmas

Sam Bradley - Christmas Lights

and freshly minted, enjoy another one from sam bradley

https://soundcloud.com/sambradleyofficial/ill-be-home-for-christmas

*also~ check out musicbobbylong.com for the BEST cover of joni mitchell’s river and god rest ye merry gentlemen (2 of the 3 songs in the music player on the righthand side)

hope

yet another thing i picked up from my favourite new tv show...

yesterday, i was alerted to the fear of joy. dr. brené brown pointed out how so many people tamp down their feelings of joy with the idea that it will be taken away from them. if they don't let themselves get too wrapped up in joy, then they think they won't feel so devastated when things take the inevitable turn and something goes wrong. instead of just feeling gratitude for the joyous moments, we automatically turn towards how the moment can be ripped away. 

i think this goes hand in hand with hope. we teach ourselves not to hope too much, so that when we don't receive what we hoped for, we aren't that disappointed. why do we do this? it's stupid. you cannot shield yourself from disappointment. it's a part of life. whether it's expected or out of the blue, it's not fun. but maybe, if we give ourselves over to giddy feelings hope ignites and let ourselves feel our own joy, those moments will carry us through those unpleasant times. 

also, i believe so strongly in the law of attraction. if we don't expect that the things we hope for will come to us - and that we DESERVE them - they won't. if we hope for something, we put that out there into the universe. make it known! hope is like a prayer. 

all that said ~ i am hoping that a) i will be offered this job and b) it will be an enjoyable, fulfilling experience and/or be a stepping stone towards being able to do what i ultimately want to do, which is to help others on their own journeys.
if it's not, i know i will be disappointed, but i also know the disappointment won't crush me. 

the incredible story of what happened to me today

you may or may not know that i have been unemployed for a year and a half now. well, technically, a lot longer than that... but i graduated from college in june of last year and have been doing "nothing" since then. i kept saying i didn't want a job in my field. i never even tried to get one. and in that time, i only handed in applications for 3 other jobs (tea stores and a toy store). i've been sitting around waiting for inspiration to strike because i didn't have any clue what i want to do - only what i didn't want to do. 
i am in the unique and blessed position that i don't NEED to work for necessity. hubby has a good job and takes care of everything we need. i only need a job to give my life structure (i do not do well without routine and social interaction) and purpose. i haven't gotten one in all this time because i didn't know where my "purpose" lies. 

lately, i have been on somewhat or a personal journey (why i say i'm not really doing nothing) - some might say it's a spiritual journey. whatever. not really the point right now. but i've been seeking a lot recently and it's either spurred by or opened me up to (chicken or the egg) a feeling like... the universe is trying to tell me something. i don't mean to sound hokey or cheesy. i just ....i don't really know how to explain it. 
sometimes you hear people talk about getting a "calling". my own father claims this. when i was a child, he felt called to ministry and left a cushy life and a career in dentistry. other people always seem to know what they are supposed to be doing with their life. but i think as with the majority of people, i felt completely lost on that front. and yet, i believe that everyone HAS a purpose and when you don't know what it is, the universe will send you messages and point you in the right direction. 
recently i have felt that one of these messages was trying to make itself known. i had no idea what is was going to be or if i was missing something. to use a metaphor, it was like i was waiting for a phone call but maybe the ringer on my phone was off. or even listening to a radio, waiting for a personalized message, but like the message was in italian and i wasn't understanding. the universe (i'm only calling it this for ease of vocabulary, btw) was trying to tell me something but i couldn't hear it. 

today, i was watching tv and the topic of conversation was purpose and"the hero's journey"/call to action. jean houston said everyone gets a call (or several) and to ignore it will destroy you. then she said something i'd never heard before. it's not always a call for your life's great purpose but calls can be to do certain things along the journey. she used the example of getting married or getting a job. this immediately struck a cord with me. it occurred to me maybe i was going about this the wrong way. maybe it wasn't that i should find the right job but that i should find A job. something to kickstart the opportunities i've been waiting for. so i made a decision. as soon as the show was over, i was gonna send out another resume. maybe to starbucks. i don't even drink coffee, but at least the heart of the company is something i believe in. 

i kid you not, TWO MINUTES LATER~ i swear... two minutes after this mini epiphany, the doorbell rang. to add a fun little layer to the surreality of this situation, i will just point out the fact that i never answer the door. never. before hubby left for work, he said he was expecting a package via courier that wouldn't leave it without a signature and please, please, please answer the door when it shows up. so when the bell rang, i paused the show reluctantly got up to get it, thinking that's what it was. 
as soon as i opened the door, i saw i was wrong. two people with sick kids hospital id tags were there. of course, i immediately knew why they were there. they wanted money. and i immediately felt like a fool. i was wearing pajamas '(consisting of giant pj pants and a nyan cat shirt) and have my ridiculous hair in a spiky tuft of a pathetic ponytail on top of my head and also am in the midst of a real lovely breakout. 
it's not like i had anything pressing to do and these people were funny and nice and it was cold and i didn't want to just say no and shut the door in their faces, so i stood there talking to them for a bit, joking around about my embarrassing ensemble and that i had no money because i was clearly unemployed. 
after a few minutes, the guy was like, "you know, we're hiring. and you seem kind of awesome. if you want, call our office. you're practically guaranteed a job and i'll give you a recommendation." i almost laughed out loud. and i almost cried. (either really would have completed my look, don't you think?) he said "sometimes opportunity knocks, right?" 
yeah. and sometimes it stands at your door and slaps you in the face to make sure you get the message. 

i think this is gonna be a 2-parter. there is something else going on here too. stay tuned. --> here

who am i going to be today?

how are kids so smart? it's because they are closer to the source from where they came. time hasn't had a chance to teach them otherwise. we are born with the knowledge of what life is and as we grow older, we fall further from that truth.

a child will say to their mom, i'm not (her name). today, i'm a princess. 
this is a beautiful thought.

we all have that right to begin each day with a fresh start. to wake up and decide who we are going to be today. 
and if you want to be a princess, be the best damn princess you can be.