crafty hobby

i was introduced to fimo (polymer clay) when i was a teenager. i bought a few packages but never made anything. in fact, the clay got too hard and dried out. but a few years ago, my neice emily got her mom's old collection out and started making little figures. (she's quite talented~) so during a visit, i got back into it. last year, my husband bought me a new collection.

i've made a few little things but nothing special so far.

lately, i've had a few images in my head so i thought working them out in fimo might be interesting. last night, i decided to give it a go... i only got as far as mixing some colour combos. i did that for about 2 and a half hours! ...it came at a price.

my arm is killing me!! i can't even move it. the bandage is the only thing that keeps the muscle from throbbing.

and i only ended up making three beads!

untapped potential??

people are always telling me "you have so much potential"... i would like someone to tell me how exactly i can tap into this! do you ever see such wonderful, creative works of art that SHOULD inspire you to want to create something wonderful yourself but instead just feel defeated before you even begin? i THINK i have some marvelous things wandering around in my brain but it's very foggy up there and i can quite see them clearly. i only see these things in fleeting glimpses... so frustrating and a bit discouraging! i know they're in there but i don't know how to get them out~
i've been looking at a lot of polymer clay stuff and i'd like to attempt doing something more than my basic nintendo and studio ghibli charcters (although i must say, they turn out pretty cute). there is such amazing detail that people put into their creations that i feel... defeated. yup. that's the perfect word. (check out this as a gateway to what i'm talking about ~ http://polymerclaydaily.com)
sometimes, i think i could draw out what i see inside the murkiness of my head but it never turns out. aaaaaaaargh. what to do to let this "creative potential" out into the real world....
ever wonder what it must be like inside the brain of tim burton or hayao miyazaki? it must be so clear and bright and vivid. they are my imaginative gurus! oh, to be able to make the visions tactile~ what bliss eludes me!

but i still have more to say~

i can't write in nice and neatly packaged sentences so i'll just put down some thoughts...

as a parent, i don't want to be controlling and obsessed with all the details. i don't want to miss the big picture. i want my children to grow up healthy, happy, and secure. i want to seek that delicate balance between being oblivious and hyper-vigilant. i don't want to worry about every little thing they put in their mouths. i don't want my life to add up to only the number of straws i poked through juice boxes or how many underroos i washed. i want what every good parent wants but i don't want to end up like most parents... and i don't want my kids to end up like most kids.

motherhood... looks freakin' scary!

i'm watching the movie "motherhood"... it's scaring the crap out of me!! i don't want to be like that!! omg...
my husband and i are trying to start our own family. the timing is good and everything and i do want a baby but......... it's so scary!!!!!
i wish i could be eloquent and then i would blog regularily.... i have so much going on in my head.... i don't know who originally wrote/said this but it sums it up "my thoughts are many; my words are few"
my words don't flow the same way my feelings do so i'm going to leave it at that...