There are
so many thought milling around in my tired brain. I haven't written on here for
such a long time and when I was talking to Liz, she mentioned her online
journal, so I became inspired to write.
Right now,
my head feels fuzzy and dizzy, kind of like being drunk but unpleasant. It's my
medication that I'm on now. I was on sertraline before (the common name for
Zoloft) but I was switched to Effexor (spelling?) last time I was at the doctor
to combat "sexual side effects" (which, by the way, switching hasn't
made a lick of difference) and because it's stronger. I'm either going to
switch back or increase the dosage. This dosage isn't taking care of the
symptoms to my liking but I detest the side-affects. This buzz is the worst
one. With the sertraline, if I missed a day or two, I'd feel this way but this
new one is CRAZY! I usually take my pills at about 11:00pm . It's now almost 1:00. TWO HOURS and
it's intense. It doesn't creep up on you either. As I wrote the last one, I was
fine. It comes on like a bucket of water being thrown in your face. The only
way to get rid of it is to take a pill and sleep it off. Luckily, that is precisely
what I'm going to do in about ten minutes. Sometimes, this happens to me at
work. That REALLY REALLY sucks! Have you ever been drunk at work? If so, you
may know what it feels like. All I want to do is sit down and close my eyes but
obviously I can't. I have to stand up, be alert, smile at and help customers,
and most of all, not let customers and especially the people I work with know
how I feel. It wouldn't be as big of a deal if I was a part time but I'm in a
"role of authority" so there are certain things I CANNOT do (or I'll
be in shit from my boss and manager). Some of those things are be in a bad
mood, show when I'm sick, complain, etc. Of course I slip up but those times
are the hardest. There's a period of time when switching types of medications
or increasing or decreasing doses when I feel like this for upwards of a week.
VERY DIFFICULT to get through it! I can't book off work for a week! I can't do
any of these "bad things". And, I can't explain to anyone how my head
feels because no one understands! It's very frustrating.
I'll tell
you why I take anti-depressants, how I feel, and why no one understands how it
feels and why I can't help myself.... if I can.
(originally posted to an unknown online journal)
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