of course, we've all had this sent to us before but i decided to post it here because... it's so true~
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Children... You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 18 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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